Tuesday, October 21, 2008

You hear them screaming, you see them ambling, you have to smell their inability to keep body fluids inside. The more we think about it, the more we're convinced: Children are little drunks.

Consider:

	Children	Drunks
Sporadic movements	check	check
Consistently fail to maintain balance	check	check
Bizarre mood swings	check	check
Prone to hyperbole	check	check
Adamantly believe in flagrantly non-existent things	check	check
Spastic vomiting	check	check
Sporadic movements	check	check
Belligerency	check	check
Ride tricycles	check	check
Will eat anything if dared to do so	check	check
Impeded speech/inability to formulate complex/simple statements	check	check
Absolute, utter, and total inability to concede an argument	check	check
Prone to blackouts	check	check
Scream with great violence and frequency	check	check
Complete inability to comprehend immediate surroundings	check	check
Sporadic movements	check	check
Play on railroad tracks	check	check
Complete inability to comprehend risk	check	check
Love repitition	check	check
Prone to importune cravings of exotic/inordinately specific foods	check	check
Sporadic movements	check	check
Inability to recognize patterns	check	check
Increased sexual drive indirectly proportional to their ability to perform	check	check