talking ≠ communicating

Thursday, January 15, 2009

My Sister and Dad are the decision-makers; my mother and I are passive.

If the four of us are dining out, Sister and Dad decide where; Mom and I just nod our heads.

In fact, Mom and I are so passive that when it's just the two of us, we go to ridiculous lengths to avoid being the decision maker. Say the two of us are visiting a museum: Even if every aspect of the trip's been planned out far in advance--from when to leave the house to what driving route to take to who holds the door for whom--Mom and I will try to outdo each other in not doing anything. In fact, we've gone to such apathetic extremes that violent arguments have erupted and whole trips have been canceled.

Mom: The directions say to turn here.

Nat: Here?

Mom: I don't know...

Nat: Should I turn?

Mom: I think that's what the directions say...

Nat: Where did you get those directions?

Mom: Uh...I don't know...

Nat: Did you go to MapQuest?

Mom: I don't know!

Nat: What exit did we just pass?

Mom: I didn't see. Could you see it?

Nat: Maybe.

Mom: Where are we going, anyway?

But today we hit a new low.

Mom and Dad had tentatively planned to come up to TC and take me out to dinner, but the recent winds have made driving conditions a bit dangerous. So Mom and I have been e-mailing back and forth all day, trying to pass the decision of whether they should drive up or not to the other guy.

The nadir was reached sometime around 1:30 this afternoon, when Mom started claiming I was physically ill to avoid making a decision.

Mom: You want us to come up there?

Nat: Well, the winds are tough, but you have an SUV. How are things down there?

Mom: Well, we can make it up, but you sound tired--are you feeling well? Do you want to rest and we can come up another time?

Nat: Do I sound tired?

Mom: Your throat sounds sore. Do you have a cold? (Keep in mind this is an e-mail exchange)

Nat: I don't think so.

Mom: Maybe.

Nat: So what's the plan again?