shakespeare insults

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

We've written before how much we enjoy Shakespeare, but sometimes his language gets a bit too flighty for our nit-pickiness.

For example, would anyone really be offended if they were referred to as "You scullion! You rampallian! You fustilarian! I'll tickle your catastrophe!"?

Or "poisonous bunch-back'd toad!"?

Or "Hedgehog!"?

Then again, most of these insults tend to be directed at characters with ridiculous names such as "Pompey" or "Sextus" or "Lord Bouillabaisse."

We can't imagine young Shakespeare, after a long day of playing his dead son's father's ghost, retiring with the rest of the cast to tie one off at The Rampallian and Hedgehog's, and getting so unbelievably crocked that he tries to pick a fight with Ben Jonson by saying, "Your virginity breeds mites, much like a cheese."

If we were Ben Jonson, we'd be all like "What? Will, what the Hell are you talking about?"

Now if we were Shakespeare, trying to pick a fight with Ben Jonson, we'd say something like, "Bartholomew Fair? More like Bartolomew Poor!"

"I can't say that is too nice, Bill."

"Good on your father, Marlowe! The Jew of Malta? More like...The...BOO...of...Everywhere!"

"Oy! Whashs talkin' all there, then?"

"Don't start with me, Sheridan!"

"Who?"

Well, you get the idea. Point is, Shakespeare's insults need some polishing. Granted after four centuries it's only natural they'd tarnish some, but we just wanted to mention it. And here are plenty more.